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Updates

Kosherpages Updates

March 05 Kosherpages launches 

December 05 - KP goes national.

June 06 - KP launches business networking events

January 07 - 1st B2B tradeshow

January 08 - 1st Kosher Lifestyle Show

August 08 - Parent & child networking event at the Odeon Manchester

September 08
- Launch of new film review section

September 08 - KP announces The Fed as chosen charity for this year

November 08 - Launch of new Medical Blog By Dr. Martin Harris

March 09 - Kosher Lifestyle Show Manchester

March 09 - Launch of The Kosher Brochure

May 10 - New Owners of KosherPages

June 10 - New look KosherPages

July 10 - KosherPages expands to include Jewish communities nation wide

July 10 - Pick of the Week is introduced to KosherPages - A joke, a quote, a Dvar Torah and more

August 10 - KosherPages now has a Facebook group - come and join us!

November 10 - Your health matters is added to KosherPages

November 10 - New addition to KosherPages - Kosher Fitness column

January 11 - KosherPages introduces "Your Pix" to Pick of the Week

July 11 - Safety First section is added to KosherPages

November 11 - The KosherPages Facebook group reaches 1,000 members

November 11 - KosherPages introduces the monthly competition

March 12 - KosherPages introduces new style "Shabbos Times & More" email. Click here to subscribe.

 

 

 

Do you have a joke you would like to share on KosherPages?

If so we would love to include it, please use our contact form to send it through to us.


Traditions are Important Too

Tuesday, 10th October 2017

 

An old synagogue in Cleveland had just gotten a new rabbi, and his first service at the shul was on Simchat Torah. Used to rowdiness by his congregations during Simchat Torah, he wasn’t terribly bothered that when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting, and the half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. But when the same thing happened at services on the following Shabbat, he knew something was wrong.

The rabbi, educated as he was in the law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. He asked the president and board members about the shul’s tradition for the Shema, but they couldn’t answer. Then someone suggested that the rabbi consult one of the original founders of the shul, a 98-year-old man. The rabbi went to the man’s nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The person representing those who stood during the Shema asked the old man, “Is it the tradition to stand during this prayer?”

“No, that is not the tradition.”

The one representing those who remained seated asked, “Is it the tradition to sit during Shema?”

“No, that is not the tradition.”

“But,” said the rabbi to the old man, “the congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether.....”

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, “Yes, yes: THAT is the tradition!”

The passenger

Tuesday, 3rd October 2017

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
 
Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
 
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
 
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
 
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade....'

The Perfect Round

Thursday, 28th September 2017

 

Rabbi Cohen was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.

Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to
G-d. Moses suggested G-d punish the rabbi severely.

As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game he had ever played. The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course and then again on the next hole.

Moses turned to G-d and asked, 'I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?'

G-d replied, 'Who can he tell?'

A Northerner in London!

Friday, 15th September 2017

 

A Northerner was apprehended by police in London today

after walking around and saying "Hello" to strangers!  

 

Click the image below to watch the hilarious video!

The interview!

Thursday, 7th September 2017

Murphy applied for a forklift job at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin.

A Englishman applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give the Englishman the job."

"And why,” replied Murphy, “would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?” said Murphy.

"That's simple,” said the manager, “On question number 7 the Englishman wrote down, ‘I don't know.’ And you wrote down, ‘Neither do I.’ “

Welcome to Centrelink

Thursday, 31st August 2017

This is the message you get when you phone the Australian social services/benefit office!

'GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO "CENTRELINK" THE AUSTRALIAN SOCIAL SERVICES AND BENEFITS OFFICE'

"Press '1' if you speak English."

''Press ''2'' to disconnect until you can.."

Have a nice day.

Last meal!

Thursday, 24th August 2017

Antonio, Jacques, and Chaim are about to be executed and they are offered to choose their last meal. 

Antonio asks for a Pepperoni Pizza which he is served. Immediately following the meal he is executed. 

Jacques asks for Boeuf Bourgignon which he is served. He too is then promptly executed. 

Chaim requests a plate of strawberries. 
"Strawberries?" 
"Yes," replies Chaim, "strawberries." 
"But they are out of season." 
"Nu, so…… I'll wait . . . ."

When a fly lands in a cup of coffee!

Thursday, 17th August 2017

 

When a fly lands in a cup of coffee!

The ITALIAN - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.

 

The GERMAN - carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of 

coffee.

 

The FRENCHMAN - takes the fly out and drinks the coffee.

 

The CHINESE - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

 

The RUSSIAN - drinks the coffee with the fly since it was extra with no charge.

 

The ISRAELI - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

 

The PALESTINIAN - blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

 

Retired people ...

Wednesday, 9th August 2017

"Working people frequently ask us retired folk what we do to make our days interesting.

Well, for example, just the other day my wife and I went into town
and visited a shop, browsing for a while.

When we came out, there was a parking meter cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a
senior citizen a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I got angry with him.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having
worn-out tires. So Liz called him a monster.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with
the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about ten minutes. The more we abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.

Just then ... our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We weren't too concerned about the vehicle's owner because of
the sticker on the back window:

"Down with
Israel --- I support Hamas".

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. 
It's important at our age."

Jewber!

Tuesday, 1st August 2017

 

JEWBER - click the image below to watch this funny video!

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