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Updates

Kosherpages Updates

March 05 Kosherpages launches 

December 05 - KP goes national.

June 06 - KP launches business networking events

January 07 - 1st B2B tradeshow

January 08 - 1st Kosher Lifestyle Show

August 08 - Parent & child networking event at the Odeon Manchester

September 08
- Launch of new film review section

September 08 - KP announces The Fed as chosen charity for this year

November 08 - Launch of new Medical Blog By Dr. Martin Harris

March 09 - Kosher Lifestyle Show Manchester

March 09 - Launch of The Kosher Brochure

May 10 - New Owners of KosherPages

June 10 - New look KosherPages

July 10 - KosherPages expands to include Jewish communities nation wide

July 10 - Pick of the Week is introduced to KosherPages - A joke, a quote, a Dvar Torah and more

August 10 - KosherPages now has a Facebook group - come and join us!

November 10 - Your health matters is added to KosherPages

November 10 - New addition to KosherPages - Kosher Fitness column

January 11 - KosherPages introduces "Your Pix" to Pick of the Week

July 11 - Safety First section is added to KosherPages

November 11 - The KosherPages Facebook group reaches 1,000 members

November 11 - KosherPages introduces the monthly competition

March 12 - KosherPages introduces new style "Shabbos Times & More" email. Click here to subscribe.

 

 

 

Do you have a joke you would like to share on KosherPages?

If so we would love to include it, please use our contact form to send it through to us.


The blessing

Wednesday, 3rd October 2018

The rabbi greets the newest couple at his synagogue. "Welcome, my friends! Have you brought the children along?"
"No, Rabbi, we don't have any kids."
"Aha, then Hashem (G-d) sent you to me for a reason! What are your names?"
"David and Esther Kaplan."
The rabbi writes, "David and Esther Kaplan... there! I'm going to have this note flown to Jerusalem immediately and placed in the kotel (Western Wall) for a special blessing!"
"Oh thank you, Rabbi, I hope it works."
"Depend on Hashem, my dears!"
Five years later, the rabbi runs into Esther on the street.
"Esther Kaplan! How are you? Haven't seen much of you lately. Tell me, did the Lord deliver a special blessing?"
"Yes, Rabbi, we have 11 children now - one set of twins, and three sets of triplets."
"Baruch Hashem! So many blessings! I must congratulate David. Is he at home?"
"No, he's in Jerusalem."
"Baruch Hashem! I should be so lucky. Is he there on business?"
"No, he's at the kotel, trying to find the note with our names on it..."

Selective deafness!

Thursday, 27th September 2018

Journey to work

Thursday, 20th September 2018

On his way to work one morning, Nathan arrives at Penn station a bit early.

While he's waiting for his train, he notices a new machine on the platform

- the sign on it says it's a state-of-the-art talking weighing machine. So 
Nathan stands on it, puts in a $1 bill and the machine says, "You weigh 160 
pounds and you are Jewish." 
Nathan can't believe what he's just heard. So he gets on it again and 
inserts another $1 bill. "You weigh 160 pounds, you are Jewish and you're 
waiting for the 7:35am train to take you to your job at the Bank." 
He is totally shocked, but he's determined to beat the machine. He goes 
into the mens room, ruffles up his hair, puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, 
removes his tie, takes off his jacket and drapes it over his arm, and puts 
a first aid plaster on his chin. He then goes back outside, steps on the 
machine and puts in another $1. 
The machine instantly says, "You're still Jewish and weigh 160 pounds. 
You're also a shlimazel, you just missed your train."

Photo Express

Thursday, 13th September 2018

Is this yours?

Thursday, 6th September 2018

Lost phones!

Thursday, 30th August 2018

 

A long flight

Thursday, 16th August 2018

A lawyer and an elderly Hasidic man are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Hasidim are so dumb that he could get over on them easily. So the lawyer asks the Hasid if he would like to play a fun game.

The old Hasidic man is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You ask me a question and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500".

This catches the Hasidic man's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The elderly Hasid doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the Hasid's turn. He asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down the hill with four?"

The lawyer is stumped, so he uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Internet. He sends emails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes up the Hasidic man and hands him $500. The old Hasid pockets the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes up the elderly man and asks "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The Hasid shrugs, reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Scrabble!

Thursday, 9th August 2018

 

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again. 

It's all fun and games until someone loses an i.

Space mission

Friday, 3rd August 2018

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American shouted at her , 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

 

A few quick jokes!

Thursday, 26th July 2018

 

The girl at the RyanAir check-in desk said, "Window or aisle?"
I replied, "Window or you'll what?"

 

 

I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage.
I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
He said, "You don't have much of a case."

 

 

I just went on a so called 'Once in a lifetime holiday'
I'm never going to do that again.

 

 

Why oh why do people run out of the sea when it starts to rain?

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